Flying Okie asked this excellent question this morning:
“I see many posts about ways to let your anger out and releasing anger. I was just curious if there are any ways to prevent anger? Does anyone have any tips on how to not let things get the better of you?”
Anger is our physical attack. When you vent anger on someone or at someone, you are attacking them. Their response will be to defend themselves, using either ‘fight or flight.’ Attacking someone, just because you’re in a snit, only injures relationships – it doesn’t build them. It’s far, far better to deal with your own anger, and get to the point where you master it as soon as it appears, which will eventually lead to you dealing with your fears that were causing your anger in the first place. At that point, you won’t experience anger much at all.
There are so many ways to prevent anger. The emotion that triggers anger is fear. The best, and maybe hardest, tactic to prevent anger is to find the fear that is triggering your anger in that instant.
95% of the time, when you are angry with someone, the fear is “you are fighting them for position in the pack.” You want to prove that you are stronger, physically, emotionally, mentally, than they are. Let go of that need. You are who you are. They are who they are. Let others be themselves, have their reactions, have their opinions and judgements without you ‘knowing better.’ When you let go of ‘knowing better’ how they should act, think, feel — how they should ‘BE’ you’ll find yourself calm so much more of the time.
Just takes practice.
Enjoy working with it!
For all the tactics I’ve used over the years, that have led to remaining calm instead of a ‘screaming meemie’! Check out I’m 50% Perfect…50% Under Construction It’s a 6 hour, audio CD home-study program that you can work with to gain control over your life, release the need to vent anger, and live calm and happy! (Maybe it’s not the safest Christmas present to give someone, BUT if s/he actually used it, it would change his/her life — something to consider!)
Your Anger UnTangler 
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Well put Jeanette! Anger is an attack. Not only only the person we are angry with or venting on but it is an attack on ourselves. Studies have shown how anger makes us sick, causes illness and disease.
Understanding where our anger comes from leads to understanding how to control it and deal with it in healthier ways.
Great advice Jeanette! I’ve found that when I recognize that I can let others experience their emotions without getting my emotions involved, I can stay pretty level-headed.
Great post! I agree fully, anger is the symptom, fear is the root.
I have been a target to my my kid’s anger for years, it was so bad that I sometimes had to run out of my house and stay with friends, because my son vented all his anger about his life on me. Of course I vented my anger until I learned of a different way to be.
I wish I would have learned about all this way earlier. Thanks for this article
Jeanette, I find the hard part is taking the time to breathe and think before reacting. And afterwards I remind myself that I should have stopped before I spoke. A lot of it depends on how I am doing in the moment also. Sometimes things just fly by and they don’t bother me in the least. Other times, watch out! Just have to keep working at it. Thanks for the reminder.